Fear.

God has been pushing me to do things that scare me. In some ways I feel that this is what God pushes us to do our entire life, but I've really felt intense nudging recently. 

I got an email yesterday from a person at the University that I'm leading Young Life College at asking me to speak at an event today because his speaker backed out. He said that the talks are typically 45 minutes and I can choose whatever I want to talk about. My initial response is...ehh no. I don't have anything prepared. I've never given a talk that is more than 15 minutes. I'm leading a bible study on campus later tonight and have to prepare for that. And, I just don't want to. I stared at my computer screen for a good 10 minutes this morning trying to decide how to tell him that I couldn't do it. I texted Keith to ask him what to do and he says he thinks I should do it. He called it "a pretty cool challenge." C'mon Keith! Just let me retreat and flea from discomfort! It still took another 10 minutes for me to draft the response..."If you still need me, I'll do it." So, that's happening today. And instead of preparing for it, I'm blogging about how I'm scared.

I'm convinced that fear is involuntary. I know God says, "Don't be anxious about anything" and "Perfect love casts out fear" but it is just our natural response to certain stimuli. I don't think God asks us to not have fear. That is something we can't avoid. He asks us to know that he is bigger than our fear and will immediately rescue us when we call out to him. His rescue plan might not look like the one you've drafted for yourself, but you will be saved nonetheless. I'm drawn to Matthew 14, when Jesus walks on the water. 

There is a storm and the boat is being beaten by waves because the wind is against them. It is the middle of the night, sometime between 3 and 6 am. The disciples see Jesus walking on the water and are terrified. They are convinced that Jesus is a ghost and they cried out in fear. 

Immediately

Jesus spoke to them saying, "Take heart, it is I. Do not be afraid."

The disciples had something to be scared about. Middle of the night, huge storm, dude walking on water. I know I would be rolled up in a ball in a corner somewhere. I love that Jesus' response to their fears is always described as immediate. Jesus knew they were afraid. He knew they needed immediate comfort. They had forgotten that he is the son of God and will take care of them in any circumstance. 

Then there's Peter. Man, do I love Peter. We are kindred spirits. He says, "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water." He has his eyes on Jesus, knowing exactly who He is and His demeanor towards us. He knows he is loved and cared for. He knows that worldly circumstance can't separate him from the warm sovereignty of Jesus. He says he wants to walk on the water with Jesus. He can't sit on the sidelines and watch Jesus from the boat. He's got to be right there with him. 

Jesus knows Peter. And if you know this story, you know that Peter can be totally on fire for Jesus one moment and then literally denying knowing him the next. Peter walks on the water, "But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, 'LORD, SAVE ME!'" It says that Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him and saved him.

We aren't called to not be afraid. When you see wind and waves coming after you, you can't just convince yourself to not be terrified. Maybe you can, but I know I can't. It is an involuntary reaction. 

In the midst our fears, we are called to call upon the Lord to save us. 

And Jesus meets us with immediate action. He saves him and says, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" And the disciples begin to worship him saying "Truly you are the Son of God." Their fear turns into worship. Life is not about avoiding the wind and the waves of circumstance. It is about knowing that He is mighty to save and will do so in a loving and gracious manner. And our natural response is worship and praise. 

What situation is God calling you out onto the water in? Will you let fear dictate your response to the call? Know you are loved and cared for. Take heart. He's got you.